adctd (part 2 of 6)
addictions are hard to kick. especially when it resides in your heart… and even when you know it may or may not be bad for you… but, so is bacon. gross. also, who was the jerk face that decided all addictions are bad? as far as i can tell, that’s false. when i started this series, the only thing in my brain was “why?” why am i so addicted to someone who clearly, in my perception at the time, just wanted to play a game? why did i allow that to happen? you know why? because you cannot control your heart, no matter how hard you try. you can adjust your thoughts in your gray matter, but your heart? nope. not happening. and that is just one joy of being an overthinker.
it’s kinda like when someone gives you an incredible gift. they put so much thought into it. but, when you receive it, you just see it as a waffle. like, dude… you just gave me a waffle. why? i mean, it’s a pretty awesome waffle, but why a waffle? why now? you see what i mean? does this paragraph make sense to you? of course it doesn’t. and that is how much sense it made to me to try to force myself to kick this addiction. none. i ain’t doing it and you can’t make me.
when someone loves you and shows you that in every way, it feels amazing. when someone shows you what it feels like to be adored in every way, you don’t want that to end. this is the point when “want” turns into “need.” i’ve never been a drug addict, so I can’t say for sure, but i imagine this is exactly how they feel. they don’t think further down the road. they take for granted that there will be more when they need another fix. i will never take that for granted again. one more adulting lesson in the books, baby!
being addicted to something is not something to be ashamed of. i mean, i’m not ashamed. when there is someone who makes you feel differently than anyone else ever has, in a good way, how is it possible that it’s bad? do i really need to waste my time trying to overcome that addiction if it isn’t hurting me? i have other things to do with my time and i actually like that those memories have set up camp in my heart. it’s actually enjoyable to think of those things on a daily basis.
sometimes it’s the process of determining if an addiction is bad for you that sucks the worst. it’s hard. and right now, i can’t think of one thing that’s bad about it. now what? i think i’ll just try to figure out how to keep my syringe full for now.