ADCTD (part 4 of 6)
i’m still not great at articulating what’s in my heart via the english language. the paint seems to do a better job at translating that for me. i realize it’s not the most effective form of communication for everyone; however, it’s what i have to work with.
currently, i sleep in swing shifts. 2 hours here… 15 minutes there… i get way more sleep on the weekends. at least 3-4 more hours, anyway. it’s almost as if i’m living 2 different lives. one side is mathing all day at my big girl job and the other side is leaving little crumbs of my heart on multiple canvases at a time. i’m always working on something. and when i work, i think…
have you ever loved someone so much that just breathing the same air as them makes your heart flutter? like, even just the air that whirls past you when they walk by is sprinkled with magic that you can actually feel in your soul… i’ve heard that snorting a certain white, powdery substance gives you that same feeling. apparently, it changes your psychological being, along with increasing your heart rate and other stuff and things… just like love…. and off to euphoria you go! you start hearing music differently… your food tastes better… you see colors more vividly… all of the things are magnified.
again, i guess that’s what makes an addiction so hard to break. why would anyone want to quit something that makes them feel so good? yeah… i still don’t know. all i know is that i love hard. and i don’t think i was built to be any different.