in september 2021, i was finally done with the withdrawals from a dumb prescription medication, but still struggling with drinking way too much. i was; however, finding more time to breathe... more time to reflect on the common denominator of every aspect of my life... love.
so, it dawned on me that, too often, i subconsciously offer my love with an expectation of receiving some absurd ROI; thereby, rendering the term "unconditional love" as an outright lie.
while it's completely possible to love someone unconditionally, i'm afraid i haven't really practiced that in my past. as i was painting this piece, i couldn't help but think about all the conditions i put on the love i give. i treated love as a "pay-to-play" situation by placing expectations on people, unbeknownst to them. what good is love with conditions? there is no "payment" large enough for someone's love. it cannot be bought. there is no expense report. it's not a business transaction. if the only thing we do in this life is provide a never-ending supply of love without hesitation, I believe the sun will never set on our souls. maybe i'm wrong, but what if i'm right?
with all these realizations floating around frantically in my brain, i decided right then to just love people, no matter what. i mean, what do i have to lose? my time? i don’t even know when my time will run out, so what does it matter? maybe i lose another piece of my heart… again, it doesn’t matter. the heart regenerates every time. like a little starfish who lost a battle with a pair of scissors or, more likely, a crab. i don't care who you are or what you've done. we are all human and create messes daily. that doesn't make anyone unworthy of unconditional love.
i like to imagine love being like this gumball machine. it's full of eleventy-thousand reminders of how much i love you. but wait, there's more! it's free!!! take as many of those little reminders as you need...
i love you... all the time. seriously... bigger than the whole sky.