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  • Kimberly Wooten

Spent...

i'm naturally a joyful girl...


but, just when i thought my heart had been healed, she spoke up to remind me that I still have more work to do. she does this every. single. time.


this was a dark period for me. very dark. i struggled with way too much drinking and ridiculously challenging withdrawals from prescription medication. the combination of this, paired with my inability to move past what i perceived, at the time, as being treated like a toy, made my brain decide that this life just wasn't for me. i didn't want this anymore. any of it. in my mind, my heart was destroyed by the carelessness of another person. but, it was my fault because i allowed someone so incredibly unhealed to do that to me. (in hindsight, i feel like i should have paid more attention to this person's fear of being vulnerable. that meant something. and i didn't catch it until it was too late. there are not enough apologies i could say or give that would ever erase the immense guilt i have for that.)


i woke up one morning, though, after shoving a loaded handgun into my temple... too many times... i realized that nothing is worth that. nothing. and besides, i had shit to do and meetings stacked up all week. while my heart was destroyed by someone who had yet to deal with their own trauma, that didn't mean that i had to ignore mine and let it fester.


i have too much love in my life from genuine people to leave them behind like that. how selfish that would have been... they are the reason i am here. i never would have realized my heart's worth had it not been for them. i was completely spent and they knew i needed them. here's to all the special people who never let a girl down!!!


this painting is what i envisioned when i thought about that almost-last-night.


my guardian angel has gone to war for me every single day and i was going to repay her by contemplating turning that battle into a waste of her time. now, i hang this on my wall for a daily reminder to never allow myself to get to that place again. i like my phone and computer screens in dark mode, but not my life...


my dudes... love your people louder!!! you never know when your love and your kindness will put another breath in someone's lungs.


#LoveLouder #SlingOrDie #Spent #WOO10


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